Why Don’t Girls Say What They Want?
Here’s the short answer – they’re taught not to.
Women are taught that being forthright and asking for what they want makes them a bitch, and that they should sit back and let others make decisions.
Women are taught to go along to get along, and that way of thinking doesn’t leave space for giving voice to what they want.
Now let me back this up a little bit, because I’m sure some people are getting a little frustrated with what I’m saying. This idea that women should be silent, that they’re taught not to speak loudly and ask for what they want, well it isn’t true for all women. Really I should say that some women are taught that.
And some women are taught that they should use their voice, and they should unashamedly ask for what they want.
So much of what we learn about communication is based off of our gender, and the rules and roles that society assigns to that gender. In this country, we tend to teach women that they should be silent and not make waves. That they should be submissive.
Sound old fashioned, like it comes straight out of the 1950’s and not something we teach girls and women in the 21st century? In my college classes I ask people to identify what they’re expected to do and how they’re expected to act, based on their gender. In 2021, the women included things like “be polite” and “be gentle.” That way of thinking doesn’t leave room for asking for what you want.
The good news is that we can change these societal rules. We continue to see women stepping into roles of power and leadership. Teen Vogue put out this great article on what it means to be a woman and that will help teach future generations that they have the right to use their voice and ask for what they want.
But change is hard and everyone needs to play a role. “I’m speaking” can’t be a punchline. We can’t call women names when they say things we don’t like, and we need to stop targeting women for using a “tone” we don’t like when really we’re bothered by what they’re saying, or even the fact that they’re speaking.
If we want women to ask for what they want than we need to make sure they live in a world where they can do that.
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