Demisexuality and grey asexuality
There may some people out there reading this who’ve never heard of demisexual and grey asexuality, or have a good understanding of what sexual orientation actually is, so let me do a bit of explaining before I answer the question.
A person’s sexual orientation is based on who they are attracted to – it is not defined by their sexual behavior! Read that again just to make sure we’re on the same page since so many people think that orientation = behavior and vice versa. You can engage in sexual behavior with someone you’re not interested in or attracted to.
When you talk about orientation (or at least when I do in class) most people seem to assume that there’s only 3 – heterosexual, homosexual and bisexual. These labels don’t fit everyone, and they’re based on a gender binary. Today we see people identifying outside of those labels, and using terms like grey asexual, asexual and demisexual. So what do those terms mean?
Someone who is asexual doesn’t feel sexual attraction for people. Grey asexual folks may feel attraction for another person, but not often.
Demisexual is used to describe someone who feels attraction for someone else after they’ve formed an emotional bond with them.
Are they orientations? Technically yes, since those terms describe who a person is attracted to. And even if they didn’t meet the definition of what an orientation is, if a person is using one of these terms for themselves than that’s what matters.
Do they often get overlooked in discussions of orientation? Absolutely and I think that’s got to change. When we talk to people about orientation we need to stop using LGB and be more inclusive by using LGBTQIA+. Is that label confusing for some? Maybe – but I’d rather confuse some people than not recognize others.
Have a sex question you want answered? Submit it anonymously here https://milsteinhealthconsulting.com/heydrsue
