Do You Believe Chivalry Is Still Applicable? Or Is It Sexist?

What a great question to start the new year!

Let me clear that unlike most of my posts, this one is based solely on my opinion.

I’m going to skip the deep historical dive into the origins of the concept of chivalry, and instead talk about some of my experiences with it in the 21st century.

My issues with the concept of chivalry stem from the fact that there is sometimes an element of power tied into chivalry. While some might say that being chivalrous is a sign of respect, I have learned from recent experiences that even if it is rooted in respect, that that respect might be superficial.

Let me explain. I recently lived in a Southern state, one that is deeply rooted in tradition. I also found it to be stifling, as there was this adherence to outdated gender roles for most of the people that I interacted with. It would be fair to say that I had a little bit of culture shock when I moved there.

There was one specific incident that made me realize just how superficial the concept of chivalry can be for some people.  

I was walking towards a door and a man was in front of me. He went to hold the door open and I said “no, thank you.”

He insisted.

I said no again, this time a little less politely.

He insisted again.

And that’s when it dawned on me. This man had been taught that the “respectful” thing was to hold a door open for a woman. What he had not been taught was that what a woman actually wanted was also important. So in that moment of him showing me “respect” what he was really saying was that his desire to appear respectful was more important than actually being respectful.

This scene was repeated often in the years I lived there.

What also often happened quite frequently was men flat out refusing to go through a door I held for them. Do you have any thoughts on why? For me it was about “respect”, tradition, and to some degree who held the power in that situation.

Let me tell you another story, and this time we’re in New York. I was in the parking lot of a home improvement store walking to my car. There was a man ahead of me struggling to move things off the flatbed cart and into his truck.

I offered to help. Because for me that’s what “chivalry” should be, offering to help out people when they need it.

The man was genuinely confused when I asked him if I could help him. He asked if he was somehow blocking my car in and I said no, that it looked like he could use a hand. He refused my offer and seemed mildly irritated that I had offered to help.

While these are just two examples, from everything I have seen there is an element of traditional gender roles that still exists with some chivalrous behavior. And so yes, I do think that that sometimes chivalry can be sexist.

But I also think the world could use a lot more of people being kind to each other, of people trying to help others. In my opinion, those behaviors will always be applicable.

Until next time, be safe and have fun!

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