Why Do I Enjoy Being Watched While I Jack Off? Is It Normal To Prefer Jacking Off Over Sex?

There are two questions here and I want to address each one separately.

The first one about why you enjoy being watched by women while you masturbate is kind of a personal question. What I mean by that is that the reason why you enjoy it may be so specific to you that I’m not sure I can answer it for you. But I can try and give you generalizations, and maybe one of those feels right.

I’m starting with the assumption that the women who are watching you jack off are doing so willingly. If they’re not, then that’s a huge problem. An unwilling viewer makes it easier for me to talk about, because we’re entering the realm of exhibitionism and there’s a lot there about power and dominance.

But it’s not ok. It’s never ok to force someone to do something, including watch you jack off, without their consent.

So with the assumption that this is with women who have consented to watch, there are several reasons why people find this enjoyable.

For some people they like the idea of someone watching them masturbate because they like the idea of someone witnessing them experience pleasure. It gives them a way of sharing that experience of pleasure, but being able to be the only one physically enjoying it.

Some people want someone to watch them masturbate because in that moment they are very vulnerable. Some people enjoy having someone witness them in this moment of vulnerability. This can be especially true for people who find it hard to be vulnerable in other aspects of their lives.

I really wish I could ask some follow up questions. Do you engage in sexual contact with the women after she watches you masturbate? Or is it just she watches you jack off and that's it?

I'd also like to know what's on your mind when you ask a woman to do that. Are you looking for someone to be part of the experience? Does it matter who the person is, or are you more concerned with simply having an audience?

For the second question I need to start by talking about the idea of normal. This term really bothers me, because so often I hear people struggle with this idea of something being “normal,” when normal is such a hard thing to define. Especially when it comes to sex! (I did a whole podcast episode on this if you want to hear more about it).

In our culture we still don’t talk about sex openly, so we only know what “normal” is based on what we are willing to say we do. And that might not be an accurate reflection of what we actually do.

Like BDSM for example. 14 years ago we assumed that most people were not into any form of BDSM, including the lighter side of it. Then 50 Shades of Grey comes out and suddenly it’s more “normal” and “acceptable” to be into light BDSM.

I use that as an example of how easy it is for something to be considered “abnormal” one year and “normal” the next.

But back to your question.

Preferring masturbation to sex with a partner is quite common. When you masturbate you just get to focus on you and that means that most of the time it's all going to feel good. If you're having sex with a partner you are probably thinking about them and wondering if they're enjoying it. You may be worried that they're not enjoying it. And your needs may not always be fully met, and that may not be as enjoyable as what you can do on your own.

What I would challenge you to do is really think about why you prefer jacking off over sexual intercourse. Is it that the focus is on yourself? Is it the lack of concern about performance with a partner?

The bottom line is that if you're okay with the fact that you prefer to jack off, and it's not interfering with your ability to function with a partner if you have one, then that's okay.

Until next time, be safe and have fun!

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