I Have Something Unusual That I Fantasize About And I'm Not Entirely Sure What To Do With It…

I had to shorten this to get the title down to a workable size, but I think its important people get to see the whole question:

So I have something unusual that I fantasize about and I'm not entirely sure what to do with it.

One time a few years ago I was in the bathroom and due to the long line for the womens bathroom. A few women came into the mens restroom.

Now at the time, I and a few other men were using urinals. The women used the stalls of course but when women were doing make up and washing hands I could see out of my peripheral vision the ladies looking at us. We had our penises out of course and since the urinals didn't have dividers they could easily see us exposed. They didn't stay for long but while it was initially awkward looking back on it I get aroused.

I admit that I kind of liked this and it even turns me on to think about this happening again.

The problem is I don't know how this could really be realistic to ever replicate lol.

I guess is this normal? Is there any way to get rid of the desire if it is unhealthy? I'd appreciate some advice and maybe insight as to why I might like this.

Thanks for opening up about this. Trust me when I say that you thinking back about this and being turned on is normal. The thing I want to talk about is what happens moving forward.

If you find yourself fantasizing about this, especially when you masturbate, then that’s fine. And perfectly normal! That was obviously an arousing moment for you and many people like to relive arousing events when they masturbate. And if you’re okay with this then there’s no issue.

Most people have an experience that they find incredibly arousing, whether it was overtly sexual or not. Getting turned on by memories of the experience is normal. So is fantasizing about it.

But if you find yourself getting anxious thinking about the event and what it might mean for you, you might want to talk to a mental health professional.

As to why this turned you on, that can be a little more complicated. Some people may jump to the idea that you’re turned on by exhibitionism. But I don’t think that’s what this is. (Just as a caveat, I’m making broad generalizations here since I only have limited information).

Exhibitionism is when we display our genitals to others, and we get sexual gratification from it. It could also be that we engage in sexual acts in front of others. There are a lot of people who do this in a really positive way. As long as everyone who’s involved is consenting to it (and you’re not breaking any public decency laws) then there are no issues here.

And let me say that the idea of strangers watching us having sex is a really common fantasy.

The concerns that are often tied to exhibitionism are when it crosses into a disorder. And also when it involves non-consenting people.

People who have exhibitionist disorder often need to show their genitals to people and they cannot stop themselves from doing it. That’s not what your situation sounds like to me.

Part of the diagnosis of the disorder is also that the thoughts of showing your genitals to others are getting in the way of your normal daily functioning. If this is true, I would encourage you to speak to a mental health professional.

If you started going out and exposing yourself to strangers, then that’s a big problem. You need to stop doing that. First off, its illegal. And it can also cause mental harm and distress for the people you’re doing it to. If you’re doing this, I would seriously encourage you to talk to a mental health professional about what you’re doing and why.

But if you’re not showing yourself to strangers, and the thoughts about the incident aren’t consuming your life and making it hard to function, then that’s different.

You may be wondering if there is a way for you to have strangers look at your penis in a way that gets you excited. But also protects the other people involved. The answer is maybe. It kind of depends on where you live and your comfort levels. You might want to check out a local dungeon or kink space. Maybe find out if there’s a kink munch near you.

If you’re not ready to jump into something like this in person, you might want to start online. There are plenty of online spaces where people talk about the things that turn them on that may not seem common, or at least not things we generally talk about. I would encourage you to do your homework about which sites might work best for you. I know many people who started their online kink journey at Fetlife.com . You can often find information on there about local kink munches.

Thank you to the mental health professionals I consulted for this post.

Until next time, be safe and have fun!

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