I Cant Get An Erection When Im With A Woman

So there’s a lot going on here.

First and foremost, if you think you’re suicidal please get help! You can call or text the suicide hotline at 988. If you’re not in crisis may just want to talk to someone, you can call a warmline in your state

Having a soft dick when you don’t want one can be embarrassing. I don’t think it’s going to make you feel any better, but most men struggle with this at some point in their lives.

Keep in mind that even if your dick isn’t working, there are other things you can do to please your partner. You can use your mouth, fingers, sex toys, or a combination of these things to get your partner off.

With that said, let’s get back to why you may not be able to get an erection.

There’s a myth that if a man is turned on he’s automatically going to get an erection. And that’s just not true.

There are a lot of reasons why men don’t get erections.

One is that there’s something physically preventing it. Normally I would say take a look at what medications you’re on. Things like blood pressure medications, and anti-anxiety medications can make it difficult for a man to get an erection. There are also illnesses and conditions like nerve damage, blood vessel issues, and diabetes that can make it difficult for a man to get an erection.

But you said you can get one on your own, so I’m thinking these are not the issue.

Are you using any substances right before? Maybe drinking a little to try and relax before you have sex? The reason I ask is that smoking and/or drinking alcohol can both impact your ability to get an erection.

If it’s not any of these, then I’m thinking there might be something going on mentally. Everything from fear, to anxiety, to depression can make it more difficult to get and keep an erection.

If none of these sound like they may be an issue, than I have what may sound like a strange question.

What are you thinking about when you’re in these situations?

Sometimes when people find it difficult to get an erection, when they’re in sexual situations that’s pretty much all they’re thinking and worrying about. We sometimes refer to this as spectatoring. If you’re mentally stepping out of the moment and just thinking about whether or not you’re going to be able to get an erection, that can actually make it less likely that you’re going to get one.

By the way, spectatoring can happen to people dealing with all sorts of sexual issues. Including having problems reaching orgasm. And also not getting as wet as one used to.

So let’s say you’ve gone through the mental checklist of things. You don’t think it’s a medication issue, or a substance issue. You’re pretty sure there are no health reasons why this might be happening. But this spectatoring things sounds like it might be it. So now what do you do?

When you’re in these sexual situations with a partner, check in and see what you’re thinking about. If your focus isn’t on enjoying what’s happening between the two of you, then try to bring it back there. If it’s a spectatoring issue, the more mentally present you can be the better the chances you’ll be able to get an erection.

Have you talked to your partner about what’s going on? I know it can be embarrassing. But they may be worrying that you can’t get an erection because of them. If you let them know that it’s a struggle, that you’re really turned on but your body just isn’t responding the way you want it to, they may be able to help you focus and be in the moment when you’re together. And that can be a win-win for everyone.

If you’re still struggling with this you may want to reach out to a therapist or counselor to talk about it. But be warned, it can be hard to find someone that specializes in sex. So make sure you’re doing some research on the person’s training before you talk to them.

Until next time, be safe and have fun!

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