Why Are Fewer People Getting Married And Having Children?

Let’s separate out those two ideas, since you don’t have to be married to have kids.

There’s also a difference between being in a committed relationship and not being married, and not being in a relationship at all. I’m going to focus on why people are choosing to be in a committed relationship but not get married. If you want me to talk about why people are choosing not to be in relationships, feel free to ask a question about that here

I’ll talk about general reasons why we see the shift away from marriage. But keep in mind that every person has their own reason for deciding what type of relationship works for them.

One of the reasons people are choosing to be in committed relationship and not get married, is to maintain a degree of independence. When you get married, that's a legal contract. And for some people, they want to be able to be in a committed relationship without tying themselves legally to their partner.

Another reason is that people may have witnessed how bitter divorce could be when they were growing up. And they don’t necessarily want to go through that themselves. I’m not saying a break up isn’t miserable. But breaking up with someone and going your separate ways is different when you have to go through a legal process to dissolve the relationship.

Not being married is just more acceptable now than it was before. While there are definitely parts of society that still try to convince us that marriage is the goal, there are more people choosing not to do it. The more that happens, the greater the social acceptance of it.

Women’s rights in the US are also a reason why more women are choosing not to get married. It used to be that financial independence wasn’t really an option for women. They needed a husband in order to get by financially. It’s only been in the last 60 years that women could own their own home. And have a credit card in their name. And a bank account.

And women today can get jobs they couldn’t get before. So the financial stability that they used to need a husband for, they can now achieve on their own.

(Fun fact I came across while doing some reading, more single women own homes in the US than single men.)

This shift that has happened for women in this country is also one of the reasons that they’re choosing not to have children as much. As women choose to focus on their education and careers, they may delay having children. Or choose not to have them at all.

In some places women are finding that being a mother is not always an expectation the way it used to be. And society has become a little more tolerant of couples choosing to be childless. This means people may not be facing as much pressure as they used to.

For a lot of people they still equate children with marriage. So if you’re in a long term committed relationship, but not married, you may find there’s less pressure to have children. I know I’ve witnessed first-hand couples being asked on their wedding day when they’re going to have kids!

Children are a commitment. Couples find that choosing to be childless gives them a lot more financial freedom, and flexibility with their time. It allows them to make themselves and their relationship a priority in a way that many couples with children struggle to do.

The last thing I want to mention has actually been a little eye opening for me. In conversations I’ve had with students in their teens and 20s, some of them are truly afraid of what’s coming next in this society. Whether it’s the political divide in this country, the amount of violence they’ve seen, the fear of the impact of climate change, they just don’t see this as a world they want to bring children into.

It will be interesting to see how relationships continue to change over the next 10 years, as society and societal norms continue to change.

Until next time, be safe and have fun!

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