Do Most Women Consider Flirting Cheating?
For right now, let’s remove the gender piece of this question, since I think that what someone considers cheating is less about their gender, and more about their own values and personal experiences.
The problem with defining “cheating” is that there is no one definition. People might say that it’s when you have penetrative intercourse with someone outside your partnership (although no one actually talks that way in the real world).
But let’s get away from actual physical contact with someone else, because for many people that’s a necessary requirement for something to be considered cheating.
Let’s talk about emotional cheating. If you’re sharing your deep dark secrets and desires with someone other than your partner, is that cheating? Does it matter if it’s done over drinks? By text?
I know one person who said that cheating is when you do something you need to hide from your partner.
Others have said that cheating depends on the motive for their behavior, and that’s a good way to segue into talking about flirting.
Flirting may be seen as an open invitation to see what comes next, so some people may consider that cheating since you’ve emotionally opened up a door to doing more with someone.
For others, it depends on why the flirting is happening. Are they looking for validation that other people find them attractive? Are they flirting with the hostess so they can get a better table at a restaurant? I’ve had students say their partner could flirt all they want, as long as there’s a benefit to both of them, so that last scenario would be totally acceptable and not cheating.
But here’s where it can get confusing. Because if my partner is cool with me flirting in front of them in one scenario, why would I think they wouldn’t be okay with it in another?
The biggest issue is not only do we all have our own personal definitions of cheating, but that we also tend not to talk to our partners about these definitions, at least not until after a line gets crossed.
What I have noticed, and what some research supports, is that women are more likely to see flirting and emotional violations as cheating, while men are more likely to think that some kind of physical contact needs to be present for something to be cheating.
If you want to read more about this, you may want to check out my article on Four Out Of Five Partners Say What You Did Was Cheating… Even If You Say It’s Not
Until next time, be safe and have fun!
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