Why Do People Have Unprotected Sex Knowing All Of The Possible Diseases They Can Get?

This is a great question!

So often we tell people the consequences of doing/not doing something and then that’s it, we just expect that now that they’re armed with information, people will just make the “right” choice.

But it’s just not that simple.

Because what we think may be “right” may not work for them.

Think about it, how many times in a day do you so something that you know isn’t the best thing for you, but you do it anyway.

Don’t speed! Doing so will increase your risk of getting in an accident and if there is one, the injuries are more likely to be severe… but you’re not thinking about that. All you’re thinking is that you really need to get to wherever you’re going, or it’s okay because everyone around you is speeding.

Make sure you exercise! Doing so will help strengthen your muscles and improve your brain health… but what you’re thinking is that you’re not really in the mood, or that it’s miserable weather out, and if you skip today, you can always do it tomorrow (I may or may not have used these when deciding to exercise today!).

Don’t eat that (insert specific food)! It’s empty calories / high in something you shouldn’t eat … but all you’re thinking is that it looks great, smells great and you really want it, and besides it’s just this one time.

Are you starting to see the pattern?

Some people might refer to our decision making process as calculated risk, but honestly, we don’t always think through our decisions.

Especially when it comes to sex play. People engage in sex play for lots of reasons - it feels good, it make us feel desired, we’re horny, the list goes on and on.

And when we’re in the moment and everything feels good, we may not stop and think about the impact of unprotected sex. We may simply be too caught up in the moment and how good it feels.

Ideally, we would have conversations about safer sex prior to engaging in sex play, but that makes a lot of assumptions. It assumes that we know the person we’re going to hook up with. It assumes we’re sober enough to have those conversations.

It assumes we have the power to have those conversations.

In some relationships, the power dynamic leads to people being forced or pressured into doing things that they don’t want to do. In those types of relationships the topic of safer sex may never be discussed, and the person may not have the ability to take steps to protect themselves during sex.

It also assumes that we know how to have those conversations, that we have the skills and language to do so. And most of us don’t.

And the reason for that is most of us have never been taught how to talk about sex. For many people, sex was something that was a topic that was never discussed openly.

Teaching people about the possible consequences of unprotected sex is only the first step, we also need to teach people how to talk about sex. We need people to learn how to talk to a partner about sexual histories and what you do and don’t want during sex play.

We have to teach people that it’s okay to put your safety and desires first. Help them understand that if a partner won’t engage in safer sex when you want them to, that it’s okay to stop what you’re doing.

And even if we taught people all of those things, there are still some going to be times when people have unprotected sex. Because they got caught up in the moment, or they didn’t have a condom handy, or because they wanted to, or for a hundred other reasons.

Until next time, be safe and have fun!

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