Do You Think That The Standards For Men In Media Affects Them The Same Way They Affect Women?

This is a great question!

Media teaches us what’s “normal” and “acceptable.” This includes everything from “acceptable” behavior for our gender, to how we “should” act in our relationships. It also includes what body types are seen as “desirable.” 

If you ask most people if they’re influenced by media they probably would say no. Yet look at how many trends are driven by media and social media. This includes everything from fashion trends to TikTok dances.

We know the impact that media can have on people. We know that eating disorders, and disordered eating, can be tied to trying to fit an “ideal” body type that’s presented in media. For a long time we focused on women and  eating disorders and the impact of the media.

Now, we’re starting  to get a better understanding of how the media’s portrayal of an “ideal” man affects men. We’re finally starting to acknowledge that men have been underdiagnosed in the past for eating disorders. We now  know that the rates of eating disorders and disordered eating are increasing faster in boys and men than they are for women and girls. I’m not saying that all of this is tied solely to media, but media definitely plays a role.

Media also tells us what is “acceptable” behavior for our gender. Think about the last TV show or movie you watched. How were men portrayed? Were they seen as tough and not willing to get help? Were they praised for that behavior? This kind of depiction helps to reinforce the idea that men need to act the same way in real life.  It’s one of the reasons why they suffer in silence when they’re feeling anxious and depressed. It contributes to why they’re less likely to reach out to anyone for help, whether it’s friends, family, partners, or a health care professional.  

Media also shows us that men are supposed to always want sex, and that’s not true. I’ve worked with men who feel guilty when they’re not in the mood for sex. And they often are afraid to talk to their partners about it. They think their partners will think that this means they don’t find them attractive.

Think of if it this way. If Abby was taught that men always want sex, and her male partner doesn’t want to have sex with her, then it’s easy for Abby to think that there’s something wrong with her. Or maybe she thinks there’s a problem in the relationship. Her partner may feel like he has to have sex with her to avoid a fight, or to not make her feel bad.

And we often don’t talk about this side of it. There’s quite a bit out there about women saying yes even when they’re not in the mood, but can you think of anytime you’ve seen a scenario when it was the man who wasn’t  in the mood? And if you did see it, was it a punchline?

The good news is that we’re starting to see some changes in how media portray all genders, but it’s important that we start having discussions about this. As rare as good sex education is in this country, the same is true for media literacy. Did you ever take a class that taught you how to break down the messages you were seeing in movies and on TV? Without that kind of education, it’s easy to not understand the impact that these images have on us and those around us.

And were you taught any type of porn literacy? There’s a type of media that can impact how we think and feel about specific sexual behaviors. But that’s a whole other issue and outside the scope of this post. Though if you want me to talk about it, feel free to submit an anonymous question!

Until next time, be safe and have fun!

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