I Am A Woman In My Early 60's And Intercourse Has Just Become Too Painful

Here’s the whole submission:

I am a woman in my early 60's and intercourse has just become too painful. My husband is rather well endowed, his erect penis is about the size of a large cucumber. The length and girth have always been a challenge but intercourse is now intolerable. I love my husband and need some ideas on how to switch things up to focus on other things.

Signed,

Wincing

This is a common issue for women who are either going through menopause, or who are post-menopause.

As people age, there’s a general thinning of body tissue. This happens to everyone and can happen all over the body. Including vaginal tissue, which can contribute to the pain you’re feeling during intercourse.

Then there’s the lube issue. As estrogen levels decrease, so does the amount of vaginal lubrication.

Combine the tissue thinning with the decreased lubrication and it’s no wonder that pain during intercourse is one of the most common sexual problems for women as they age.

The good news is that there are options that might help.

First, have you considered working with a pelvic floor physical therapist? They can be really helpful in this type of situation.

You might want to talk to your gynecologist about using an estrogen cream or ring. This can help make intercourse less painful. The problem is that it might not be an option for everyone. There are certain medications that the estrogen does not work well with. There are also some medical conditions that might not make you a candidate for using an estrogen cream.

But don’t worry, there are other options!

You can use a vaginal lube that you can buy over the counter, or online. If you’ve never learned about lubes before, trying to figure out which one to get can feel overwhelming.

Here’s a really quick overview. There are essentially three different types of lube. These are water-based, oil-based and silicone-based. Oil-based shouldn’t be used with condoms, and silicone-based shouldn’t be used with silicone sex toys. You want to find one that works well with whatever type of sex play you’re engaging in. It should also be the right pH level. If you want to learn more about this, check out this article.

Have you talked to your husband about this? If not, you might want to explain what’s going on, especially if you’ve been avoiding sex. It can help him to feel better knowing that you’re not avoiding him. It can also open up the lines of communication and make it easier to try and find things that feel good for both of you.

You might want to try other forms of sex play, like masturbation, mutual masturbation, or oral sex. I find that couples who have been together for a while often skip these types of play and go right to penetrative sex. So try incorporating these. You may find that they’re incredibly pleasurable, without the pain.

You can also try different sex positions. If you’re on top that can help you control the pacing of sex, as well as how deep inside you he goes.

Having sex while you both lay on your side (think big spoon/little spoon) might also be more comfortable.

And you’re not just limited to those two positions. Try out other positions and see how they feel. But remember that keeping the lines of communication open and being honest about your pain levels are both  important as you do this.

One last thing – and I’m going to say this knowing it’s not easy to do. Try not to get too much in your head about this. If you’re worried about pain and that‘s all you’re thinking about as you engage in sex play, then you’re going to tense up. That’s not going to help and can lead to more pain. And then you’re in this cycle of pain.

So try and relax and focus on what does feel good.

Hopefully one or two of these suggestions will help make the wincing stop.

Until next time, be safe and have fun!

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