What Do You Do If a Man's Penis Is So Small It Falls Out? And Why Does a Man Go Soft Once In?

This is actually way more common than I think most people realize.

Let's do these two pieces separately. It would help if I knew what the penis was going into. If it's a vagina and you’re not fully aroused, it may be that the muscles in the vagina don't feel like they're holding on to the penis. This may make it feel like it “doesn't fit.”

If it’s anal sex that’s the issue, send me a message and I’ll write more towards that.

If this is vaginal sex the good news is that if the penis is on the smaller size, it may actually be easier for it to stimulate the nerve endings. The nerve endings inside the vagina are actually closer to the vaginal opening than they are deep inside.

There are a few things that you could do to help it feel like it's staying in better. A lot of this is going to be based on changing the positions that you're having sex in.

If missionary is your thing there are a couple options. For traditional missionary, you can put a pillow under your butt to help tilt your pelvis up.

You can also try legs closed missionary, sometimes called tight missionary. This is where you’re still in traditional missionary, you on bottom and him on top. But instead of opening up your legs to go around him, you would keep them closed. This may help feel like the penis is taking up more space inside your vagina.

If missionary is not your thing you can try laying down with him behind you. Think spooning, but with penetration.

If neither a variation of missionary or spooning sound enjoyable, I would encourage you to play around a bit and see if there's a position that does feel better for both of you.

In terms of why does he go soft immediately after going in, this could actually be based on a lot of things. Some of it may be psychological, and some of it may be physical.

On the psychological side, if things have gone badly with partners before, where he felt like he wasn't performing the way he wanted, that can cause him to lose his erection. And it may not have ever happened with you where he felt that way, but that memory can still have an impact.

If he's had sexual trauma in the past, then penetration may be the thing that triggers a psychological response where he loses his erection.

From a physical standpoint, there’s a lot that can cause him to lose an erection. Being tired, or being under a lot stress can do it. So can alcohol use or other medications. Those things need to be addressed outside the bedroom, or they’ll continue to be an issue inside it.

You can try something called stuffing. This is often recommended for men who have erectile dysfunction. Or for people who are paralyzed. It involves putting the non-erect penis into the vagina. Then you can continue to explore with hands, mouths, sex toys… really whatever you have handy that can turn you both on. Any or all of this can cause the penis to get hard while it’s inside the vagina, though this won’t address the size issue.

One of the things we often don't talk about is that we assume that vaginal penetration is the goal of all sexual activity. But for some guys they prefer other things. They may enjoy oral sex more. Or they may really prefer the feeling of someone giving them a hand job. The difference in sensation between doing those behaviors and vaginal sex, may just be enough to lose the erection.

A really important point here is how you're handling it. I know this can’t feel great for you. If he doesn’t feel like he’s filling your vagina enough, or he’s gone soft, you may want to shift to other types of sex play where you feel more satisfied.

Sex toys might be really helpful, as long as he doesn’t feel threatened by them.

You might start to question if the issue is you. If he’s not attracted to you or maybe doesn’t want to be with you. I know it might be awkward, but you need to talk to him about it. Because if that’s in your head, it can get in the way of you fully enjoying any type of sex play.

I think talking about it can be incredibly helpful for both of you. As long as it’s done in a way that doesn’t create blame or shame. Or doesn’t cause him to feel like he’s not good enough. Combine talking with any or all of the things I mentioned above, and you might find that the size or the fact that he loses his erection isn’t as much of an issue anymore.

Until next time, be safe, and have fun!

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