For Couples Who’ve Been In A Long Term Monogamous Relationship, How Can You Learn New Tricks?
This is a really common question.
Because we often don’t talk about sex openly, we only know what we learn from experience. That experience could be a lived experience, or it could be from something we read about or see.
I think porn can be helpful in giving people ideas. If you see something that turns you on you can show it to your partner.
Another thing you might find helpful are apps. The app that I’ve heard mentioned by a few couples is called Spicer. Each person downloads the app and then responds if they are or aren’t interested in doing certain things. The partners are then only shown what they are both interested in. You can learn more about the app on their website https://spicer.app/
Here’s are some other things I suggest to people in this situation.
Try something new. Anything. It can be using a sex toy if you’ve never done that before. Or if you have, using a new one. Just the shopping for a new sex toy, either in-person or online, can be a great turn on.
Have you tried edging? It’s a great way to change things up and doesn’t require an app or a sex toy. Edging is where you bring yourself and/or your partner to that point just before orgasm and then you stop. Once you’ve calmed down a bit (it can be as short as 30 seconds) you then start all over again. Feel free to repeat as many times as you like.
For many people who’ve been together for a while, they tend to develop a bit of a routine. For some, this feels comfortable, but for others it can be boring and way too predictable.
If you do have a routine shake it up a bit. Add something new or just change the order in which you do things.
Or better yet, stop doing some things. We sometimes become so focused on just finishing that we forget to enjoy the ride. If penetrative sex is at the end of your normal routine, then don’t do it for a while. Feel free to do everything else you and your partner want. Explore each other’s bodies, engage in all those other types of sex play that people tend to skip when their goal is just having penetrative sex.
If all this sounds a little too vanilla to you and you’re looking to try something very different from what you usually do, you may want to check out https://fetlife.com/ and https://www.kinkacademy.com/
If you’re thinking about changing things up, whether it’s a big or small change, remember to talk to your partner about it. A sudden desire for something new may make them uncomfortable. Or maybe they’ll have an idea you haven’t thought of!
Until next time, be safe and have fun!
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