I Am Not Able To Cum … And I Want To Enjoy Sex With My Partner. How Could This Be Possible?

I really appreciate this question. I know it may not have been easy to write all that. Not being able to cum with a partner, no matter your gender, can be really frustrating. I’m going to focus on men for this answer. If you want to know more about female ejaculation, just ask!

There are a few reasons why men can find it hard to ejaculate.

As often happens with these kinds of questions, I wish I could ask follow up questions. But since I can’t I’ll do the best I can.

My first question I would ask is, has this always been a thing, or is it recent?

If it’s a relatively new thing, has there been something new in your life? Maybe a new medication? Do you drink alcohol or use other drugs, or maybe use more than used to? All of these things have the potential to impact the timing of when you ejaculate.

Is there anything new going on with your body? Maybe  a new illness or injury you’re dealing with. If so, you might want to mention to your health care provider that you’re having this issue, as it may be related.

Are you under a lot more stress outside the bedroom than normal? Are you anxious about anything? Depressed?

I know it may seem like things like stress and anxiety shouldn’t impact sexual functioning, but trust me, they can. So if any of these things are happening, you might want to address them. It’ll help both your mental health and your sex life.

Are you more concerned than you had been in the past about your ability to perform? This can sometimes happen with a new partner. Are you really focusing on your ability to ejaculate during sex play? Because that in and of itself might actually be a part of the problem.

This might sound a bit odd, but have you tried just enjoying what’s happening and not worrying about ejaculating? Men don’t have to ejaculate to enjoy sex. Yes it feels good when it happens, but you can still enjoy sex play without  it.

Sometimes what we find is that people are so focused on the issue they’re having during sex play that that’s all they are thinking about. That can actually make the problem worse. If it’s possible for you to just relax and enjoy what’s happening, without worrying if you’re going to cum or not, that can sometimes solve the problem.

You mentioned a partner. You may want to check in with them. If they know you’re struggling with this, it can be easy for them to assume that they’re part of the problem. This means that they might bring some anxiety into sex play and that might contribute to feeling a lot of pressure to perform.

Having conversations about what feels good, for both you and them, can make it easier to try and explore new things. That may also help with timing of ejaculation.

Until next time, be safe and have fun!

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