How Would You Define Sex Vs. 'Making Love'?

I have to admit I don’t usually answer questions that ask my opinion. But this actually comes up at live events more often than you might think.

So let me own that these are my thoughts on this.

For me, this really comes down to the level and type of connection. I think that when people have sex they’re engaging in a physical act. And that might be all there is to it.

When people “make love” they may still be engaging in physical acts, but the focus is more about connecting with a partner on a deeper level.

But this is different for different people. So let me share some of what I’ve heard others say about the difference between “making love” and having sex.

I’ve heard people say that making love is about specific sex acts or sex positions. That if you’re really “making love” than you have to be face to face. I often hear this referring to men and women making love, so think missionary position or woman on top.

But making love is often about a deep connection, and that can be achieved in many different positions.

And depending on the body parts involved, some of those positions might not be possible for a couple. After all, couples of all gender combinations can make love.

Some people talk about the words you say during sex play, and that can dictate whether it’s sex or making love. That there’s more communication and verbal expressions of feelings when its “making love.” I can almost hear people laughing out loud at this. There are many people who will say lots of different things they don’t mean during sex. Including “I love you.”

And some people don’t like to be vocal during sex play, so I don’t want people to think that talking is a requirement for something to be considered “making love.”

I’ve heard people say that if there’s a level of vulnerability than it’s making love. I don’t necessarily agree with that either. For some people having sex with a new partner can make them feel really vulnerable, but it can still just be sex.

I know this wasn’t part of the question, but I want to make sure that I’m saying this – when it comes to making love and having sex I don’t think that one is better than the other.

I think they both meet different needs.

People can have sex for so many reasons. They’re horny, they’re bored, out of revenge, so they can feel desired. Any whatever those reasons are, they’re filling a need at the moment.

Making love can help you to feel closer to a partner, but there are other ways you can feel closer without having sex.

So in the end, the distinction for me is about the type and level of connection that’s happening. I do think it’s important for people to have their own way of deciding the difference between having sex and making love, and communicating this with current and future partners.

Until next time, be safe and have fun!

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