Why Do Women Drop Hints Instead Of Being Straight Up With Their Partner?

There’s a really basic reason for this, that’s sadly not simple to fix.

Our society likes to tell women that they are not supposed to have strong opinions, and they need to be less assertive.

And so we've conditioned women to not directly ask for what they want, especially in the bedroom. I’m going to focus more on this aspect of a relationship than domestic labor. If your question was geared more towards the domestic labor side of things (like why can’t she just ask me to do this or that around the house), just let me know and I’ll do another post.

For some women there is the very real potential for the threat of violence from their partner. About one in four women report being the victim of severe physical violence by a partner. So for many women, the fear is that if they are too straightforward and say what they want, that could make their partner angry. And then they could be beaten or threatened.

If we’re talking about from a sexual perspective, like why don’t women just tell their partner what they want in bed, that can be even scarier. Because as a society we tell women that they are absolutely not supposed to be sexually dominant. If a woman says she wants a partner to do a certain thing sexually, the partner may feel like they’re being told they’re not good enough. Or they may insinuate that she’s been cheating and that’s why she wants to do different things sexually. For some women who talk openly about sex, it may incorrectly be seen as an invitation for a partner to do whatever they want to them.

Now keep in mind that these are all generalizations (though the statistics support this. Like the fact that women are often victimized by partners. Like the fact that 40% of women will be raped, physically beaten, or stalked by a partner).

And while our culture is slowly changing and there is definitely some more messaging to women about being stronger and more opinionated, there's also more messaging telling women to shut up. And threatening them if they don’t.

Although society may be changing as more women find their voices, and encourage others to do so, this doesn’t change the lived experiences of many. Whether it was from childhood, or past relationships, women may have learned that it’s not okay for them to ask for what they want.

Now if this bothers you, there are some things you can do. One is to have a conversation with your partner and tell her that you prefer it when she is straight up with you. But then you can’t lose your temper or get angry if she says things that you don't like.

Another thing that you need to do is make sure that you are starting to challenge the world around you. If your friends make sexist comments and you laugh at them, that doesn’t make your partner feel safe. Same for social media. If you follow people who make sexist, disempowering comments about women, your partner is probably not going to tell you what she wants. Especially sexually.

You may think that it’s as easy and straightforward as your partner just telling you what she wants. But it’s probably not that simple for her. Not until society truly starts to accept women having a voice, and using it loudly.

Until next time, be safe, and have fun!

Have a sex question you want answered? Submit it here: https://milsteinhealthconsulting.com/heydrsue