How Much Does Butt Stuff Hurt?
How much butt stuff hurts is going to depend on a few things.
The first is how well prepared you are for it. The second is how you progress through butt stuff. The third thing is how well you communicate with your partner.
While a lot of people may joke that butt stuff always hurts, it doesn't always have to hurt. Now if you want it to hurt because you're into the pain, that's a whole different thing. But I'm guessing that you don't want it to hurt from the way the question was phrased. If I’m wrong, let me know and I’ll post another answer.
In terms of preparation you want to make sure you're using a lot of lube. And when you’re picking a lube you need to think about a few things. The first is type of lube.
There are basically three types of lube. Oil based, silicone based, and water based. Oil based can be a great option for butt stuff. It’s a little thicker so it will feel like there’s a little more cushioning. It doesn’t easily come off in water, so you can use it in the shower if that’s where you decide to do butt stuff. Oil based lubes can definitely stain fabrics. And they should not be used with latex or polyisoprene condoms! So if condoms are important for you for butt stuff, oil based lubes aren’t an option.
A silicone based lube may be a better option. Like oil based, silicone based provides a little bit extra cushioning. It can also be used in the shower, but it also can stain fabric. One of the biggest differences between oil based lube and silicone based is that silicone is safe to use with latex and polyisoprene condoms. Something important to keep in mind is that silicone lubes can’t be used with silicone sex toys.
The last option are water based lubes. These aren’t as thick as the other two, but they also don’t stain fabric. They come off easily in water, which can make clean up easier, but also means you can’t use it in the shower. They’re also safe with condoms. The one thing you have to think about with water based lube that you didn’t need to consider with the other two is what the pH of the lube is.
Part of the challenge here is that manufacturers don’t always put the pH level of the lube on the container. So you may have to do a bit of research. The normal pH of an anus is above neutral, somewhere in the 7.5 to 8 range. The big thing to keep in mind is that if you are engaging in both anal sex, and then also having vaginal sex, you're going to need two different lubes. The pH of the vagina is way lower than the pH of the anus. If you want to know more about why pH is important, either ask me, or check out this post.
Once you get the lube part down, it’s not a bad idea to try and poop before you play. Don’t worry if you can’t. But if you can, it can make it easier for you to relax into the play.
Last thing to keep in mind for preparation is not just jumping into full penetration. If butt stuff is new for you, or it’s been a while, you’re going to need to stretch out the anus a bit. You can do this by inserting smaller things, like a finger or two, or a sex toy. If you’re using a sex toy make sure it’s got a flared base so it doesn’t get stuck up there.
To decrease the amount of possible pain during butt stuff you want to go slowly and give your body time to adjust. You should try to relax the muscles around your butt as much as you can, which I know can be difficult. Especially if you're either nervous or excited, or both. But the more relaxed the muscles around the sphincter are the less painful it's likely to be.
Good communication with your partner is going to be important! They should be checking in with you and making sure you’re okay throughout this.
It could help to have a safe word or a safe action so that butt play can stop if it becomes really uncomfortable. A safe word is a word that you use that would not normally come up in sex play that if you say it, everything stops. It doesn't mean that it needs to stop for good. It just means it stops for right now. It’ll give you a moment to talk to your partner about comfort with what comes next.
A safe action can be used if you don't think the words can be heard, or for some reason you can't speak. Usually it involves dropping an object out of your hand but it has to be something that your partner will notice happening.
I'm a big believer in aftercare. This means that afterwards you should both make sure that you're feeling okay. Keep in mind you should talk about aftercare before you start butt stuff, or any other sex play for that matter.
There's something I want to say about pain. Pain is a really important way that your body communicates that something is wrong. So if you are feeling pain, don't try to just push your way through it. I would advise you to stop, especially if it's unwanted pain. Stop, check in with your body, and make sure everything's okay.
If you see blood I would absolutely advise you to stop what's happening.
There’s a lot that came up in this, so if you need follow up on anything feel free to reach out!
Until next time, be safe, and have fun!
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