Is Sex Ever Like It Is In Steamy Novels, Or Is That Just As Imaginary As Movie Porn?

This is a great question!

I think sex can be as hot and sexy as it is in some novels, but I think it takes some effort.

If you want the sex that you're reading about in novels, the first thing I want you to do is figure out what it is that makes the sex in the book so intriguing for you.

Is it the physical location? Is it hundreds of candles? Is it flower petals all over the place? Because some of that can be recreated in the real world. Maybe not the hundreds of candles. I’m pretty sure that’s a fire hazard. But you can probably do several with no problem.

Is it the fact that one person’s pleasure is being focused on? Because that’s also very possible, it just takes some communication with your partner about what you want.

Is it that the scene feels long and drawn out, with no interruptions? That can also be possible. It may just take some planning. Unlike fantasy books, most of us have responsibilities. It can be work, taking care of the house, the kids, the pets, parents, or all of the above. So it can be a challenge to try and find the time and privacy to allow you and your partner to reconnect and really be present during sex.

Even if you can find the time and privacy, most couples fall into these patterns of sex. They just do the same thing all the time. This might be acceptable most of the time (or it may not! But that’s a whole different post. If you want me to address that, just let me know). But if you’re looking for something out of a novel, than you’re going to need to shake things up with your partner, especially if you’ve fallen into a pattern of the same old same old.

How you do this can be a challenge. If you just kind of throw it out there to your partner that you want to do something new and different sexually with no explanation, than it might go one of two ways. Maybe they’re totally into it, and excited to try something new. Or they may feel threatened and assume you’re not happy with your sex life.

It may be helpful to give some context for why and what you’re asking for. You could tell them that you were reading something that got you all hot and bothered and that it turned you on. You could also have them read the book/chapter and see what they think.

You may find that just having that open conversation about what you each are interested, or may want to try, can make the sex that comes after feel a little hotter.

A few things to keep in mind. If you’re reading fiction than the characters don’t have to worry about some of the real world things that you’ll have to. Take shower sex for example. That can be great to read about, but a bit awkward in the real world. Especially if it’s the first time you’re trying it.

Same thing with positions. People in books never really seem to struggle with positions, but new sex positions can feel uncomfortable to get into in the real world. There may be some laughter as you try out new things. And for some, laughter can be a great release and can help bring people together. But it also create distance between people if someone feels like the laughter is at their expense.

So I think that sex can be like you read about in the steamy novels, it just takes some communication, a willingness to try new things, and an acceptance that it will never be exactly like the book. But you never know, you may find yourself doing something that’s even better than what you’re reading.

Until next time, be safe, and have fun!

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