Why Do I Enjoy Touching Myself So Much, But I Don’t Enjoy Sex With Another Person?

I get this question way more often than people might think!

Touching yourself comes with whatever expectations you put on it. Maybe you want to come really fast. Or maybe you want to do some edging and hold off on having an orgasm for as long as possible. Those are all dependent on you and how you're doing things.

But when you're with someone else, you may feel a sense of pressure to do things in a specific way. And that way may not feel great for you.

You may find that sex with someone else doesn’t feel as good for you because now, you're focusing on someone else.

They may not be touching you the way that you like. And you may not feel comfortable talking to them about what you want them to do differently.

If you're okay with enjoying touching yourself and don’t want to have sex with another person, then that’s okay.

If you think you might want to have sex with another person again to see if you can make the experience feel better, then there are some things you can try.

Think about your experiences in the past and see if you can nail down what it was that made it less enjoyable. Was it the way that they touched you? Was it having to focus on them? Was it something they said? Some people do not like sound during sex play, and if your partner is making a lot of sounds that can throw you off.

Maybe it was having to think about using protection from pregnancy or STIs. That’s a whole layer you don’t have to worry about when you’re solo!

If you can figure out what it was that made the partnered sex less enjoyable, maybe you can start to think about ways of addressing it. And if you get stuck on how to do that you can always reach out to me again.

I'm a little stuck on how to end this, because I really want to say that this is incredibly common. And that if you just enjoy solo play more than partner play then don't feel the need to engage in partnered sex.

But if you're in a relationship where that's an expectation, then this is something you're going to have to figure out if you want that relationship to continue.

Until next time, be safe, and have fun!

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