I'm Nongender Conforming And Have Encountered Situations Where Trans Friends Criticized Me For Wearing Women's Clothing.
I understand where both you and your friends are coming from.
What people wear can be an expression of how they see themselves. And it may or may not always be what society tells you is “appropriate” for your gender. Your being nongender conforming and choosing to wear clothes that, I'm assuming feel good for you, makes sense.
On the other hand, I can also see where some of your trans friends are coming from. Over the years trans women have been told that they're just straight men who want to dress in women’s clothing. Or they're called transvestites. Or drag queens. And a lot more things that are way more derogatory.
So, their reaction to you is based on what they’ve had to live with. Which can make it hard for them to understand that you are not trying to diminish who they are by wearing the clothes you choose to wear.
I would like to think that if these folks are friends, that you could have an honest conversation with them. That you could explain why you choose to wear the clothes that you do. I'm curious if they know that you identify as nongender conforming. If they don’t, that might be part of why they are reacting the way they are.
If it comes up again, you might want to start by validating their experiences around clothing and identity. Your clothing choices may be striking a nerve for them. And acknowledging that can go far in the next part of the conversation.
At the end of the day, your trans friends telling you that what you are doing is really not that far off what they've probably been told their entire lives.
And as frustrating as it may be for them to see what you’re wearing, they don’t get to judge you. The same way they don’t want to be judged by others.
Clothing choices are just one part of who we are and how we express ourselves. But it can be a really important part. And you have the right to dress in whatever makes you happy.
Until next time, be safe, and have fun!
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