My Bf Only Gets Hard W A BJ, Vagina Sex Makes Him Soft. How Can He Fix This?

I want to start by saying this is actually way more common than most people realize. We don't talk openly about how much people might struggle with getting an erection or keeping it for sex.

And I need to push back on the “fix” piece. “How can we address it” feels better for me. The term fix implies that there's something wrong or broken, and that may not be the case here.

I'm wondering if he can pinpoint why this is happening. If there's something about the visual of you giving him a blowjob that really excites him and turns him on, it may be that he’s not getting that during vaginal sex. If it is the visual, you may want to try to change positions so he can clearly see penetration happening or maybe he can focus on your face during vaginal sex.

It could just be that vaginal sex doesn't feel as good for him and if that's what it is there may not be anything you can do to “fix” it.

I’m wondering, has this always been the case? If it just started it may be that something has changed that’s causing this. A new medication or a new medical condition can make this happen. If it’s a new medication he may want to talk to the healthcare professional who prescribed it and let them know what's happening.

Is he drinking more alcohol before sex play? Or using other drugs? Because those can also impact his ability to stay hard.

What I absolutely want you to avoid doing is focusing on the fact that this is happening. If he starts getting nervous about moving from a blowjob to vaginal sex, and he's worried he's going to disappoint you, that can actually make it harder to maintain an erection.

I would encourage you to try other types of sex play and see if he can stay hard. But I also don’t want your pleasure to suffer from this. If you really enjoy penetration could use a sex toy instead of his penis? Or can he do more oral sex on you?

A cock ring can help him maintain an erection, but you have to be careful with those. If you want to know more about cock rings, and how to choose one, feel free to ask a question about that.

But if there is an underlying physical issue then a cock ring is only a temporary solution.

If you try a couple of the things I've talked about and none of them lead to a long-term solution, and both of you are still bothered by this, then he might want to reach out to a healthcare provider.

But if you found a workaround that makes everybody happy then I wouldn't necessarily be that worried about it.

Until next time, be safe, and have fun!

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